Tuesday, November 29, 2005

This Obesity Thing Is Worse Than I Thought

Entrepreneurs, are you ready? It seems as though we're going to need a lot of extremely long needles to accommodate our ever-growing society. Reuters says:
Standard-sized needles failed to reach the buttock muscle in 23 out of 25 women whose rears were examined after what was supposed to be an intramuscular injection of a drug.
23 out of 25! Any needle manufacturers out there? We'll make a killing! Whoo!

- Study - Longer needles needed for fatter buttocks [Reuters]

Friday, November 25, 2005

Eminem Balloon Causes Injury At Macy's Parade



City and Macy's officials said they are investigating events leading up to an accident which left two sisters injured. 11-year-old Sarah Chamberlain and 26-year-old Mary Chamberlain, were hit by debris from a streetlamp after the tethers on the Eminem balloon became entangled in the streetlamp's head, causing it to break off.

After hearing of the incident, Eminem was quoted, saying: "That fuckin' shithead Charlie Brown balloon was probably the illest, sickest balloon I've ever watched, and I didn't see anybody criticizing Charles Schultz for dropping no anvil on no dumb bitch's head!"

- Two hurt after parade balloon hits pole
[CNN]

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Stove Top Stuffing Creator Dead At 74



The woman who invented Stove Top Stuffing in 1971, Ruth Siems, died at her home in Newburgh, Indiana. She was 74. Her family released a statement denying reports that her body would be flown immediately to a taxidermist. They also denied allegations that they've secretly always preferred potatoes.

Of course I'm kidding, but seriously, nothing could possibly top (for lack of a better word) the irony of her dying on the day before Thanksgiving. NOTHING!

Stove Top Stuffing inventor dies [Science Daily]

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

The Baked Ziti Radio Hour: Episodes 15 & 16



You (and by "you" I'm referring to our listening public) must keep asking yourselves "How does the Baked Ziti Radio Hour stay so fresh and original?" Well, my friends, it's perfectly simple: a little thing called "unconditional love". I mean, on a personal level it's true, we hardly know you at all. But on a collective-frequency level, no 20-or so people could be any closer than we are right now.

Does that answer your question?

Either way, here are the episodes for download:

Episode 15
Episode 16

Monday, November 21, 2005

Ann Coulter: Has She No Decency?



Wow. I hardly thought that I could hate Ann Coulter more than I already do, but this is amazing:
As noted here previously, George Clooney's movie "Good Night, and Good Luck," about pious parson Edward R. Murrow and Sen. Joseph McCarthy, failed to produce one person unjustly accused by McCarthy. Since I described McCarthy as a great American patriot defamed by liberals in my 2003 book, "Treason," liberals have had two more years to produce a person - just one person - falsely accused by McCarthy. They still can't do it. Meanwhile, I can prove that Murrow's good friend Lawrence Duggan was a Soviet spy responsible for having innocent people murdered. The brilliant and perceptive journalist Murrow was not only unaware of the hundreds of Soviet spies running loose in the U.S. government, he was also unaware that his own dear friend Duggan was a Soviet spy - his friend on whose behalf corpses littered the Swiss landscape.
She goes on to use Duggan's suicide as indisputable evidence of his involvement with the Communist party.
Contrary to the image of the Black Night of Fascism (BNOF) under McCarthy leading to mass suicide with bodies constantly falling on the heads of pedestrians in Manhattan, Duggan was the only suicide. After being questioned by the FBI, Duggan leapt from a window. Of course, given the people he was doing business with, he may have been pushed.
McCarthyism didn't kill him, says Coulter, his guilt did. Coulter proves nothing about Duggan, despite her claims of Duggan passing important documents, some being so important, "they were sent directly to Stalin and Molotov," which is highly unlikely.

The she resorts to her usual namecalling, referring to Duggan as "the kind of disloyal, two-faced, back-stabbing weasel you rarely see outside of the entertainment industry."

Then, she totally loses it:
At the exact same time as these crybabies were wailing about McCarthyism, there was much worse going on in the parts of the world so admired by the Hollywood left. It's not as if we have to go back to the Peloponnesian War to find greater suffering than that of Hollywood drama queens during the BNOF under McCarthyism. I believe anyone would find it preferable to have been a "target" of McCarthy in the '50s than to have been an ordinary citizen living in the Soviet Union, Hungary, Poland, the Ukraine or any nation infected by the Red Plague.
Actor's lives were hardly what was at stake here. The persecution of Hollywood in the 1950's echoes the persecution of the American press during most of the Bush administration (the most obvious casualty being Valerie Plame).

Coulter's boorish hyperbole-laden argument doesn't hold water, which is no big surprise. But, am I crazy, or is she suggesting that McCarthyism was good for the nation?

Lastly, why is no major news organization challenging her on this point? This I find deeply disturbing.

-ARE YOU NOW OR HAVE YOU EVER BEEN A SECOND-RATE FILMMAKER? [anncoulter.com]

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Some Of The Worst Album Covers



Pitchfork has compiled an extremely tongue-in-cheek list of the worst ever album covers. It starts out obliquely funny and ends ugly, but give it a spin. It's pretty damn funny.

Here's the Pitchfork link.
Another good one is the Museum of Bad Album Covers

Did Page Six Hear Wrong?: #1



This is a new feature where I overanalyze clippings from Page Six's "We Hear" section. I've got a great feeling about this one.

Okay, Page Six hears:
THAT Kathleen Turner will perform a monologue from "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" at a Citymeals-on-Wheels lunch on Friday for the likes of Joan Collins, Diane von Fursten berg, Gloria Steinem and Diana Taylor, and then take the show to London
Here's my nitpicky question: IS THERE a monologue in "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" I could be wrong, but I don;t think there is one.

I very well could be wrong, and I would love any input on the subject.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Poison Guitarist Sentenced To 80 Days



C.C. Deville, guitarist for the shit-metal group Poison, pleaded no contest Monday to driving under the influence and causing injury to his companion after doing an "unsober bop" into a parked car. This caused the vehicle's airbags to deploy in his vehicle, injuring the other passenger. Tests revealed that he was intoxicated, and he has been sentenced to 80 days in jail.

I though they nabbed him for that unforgivable "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" guitar solo. No such luck.

- Poison Guitarist Headed To Pen [Yahoo! Music]

Tuesday, November 8, 2005

The Baked Ziti Radio Hour: Episodes 13 & 14



We've done it again! Episodes 13 and 14 have proven to be our most popular in the West Indes, and we want to share the wealth with you, America!

Download the episodes here:

Episode 13
Episode 14

Monday, November 7, 2005

Kate Hudson Denies Eating Disorder



Kate Hudson, pictured above, denies what British magazine Heat and the Daily Mail UK newspaper call her "extreme eating disorder." The images, and the articles that accompanied these allegations could also prove damaging to her "career" as it might raise concern amongst casting agents, London law firm Schillings added.

The publications in question include U.S. tabloid The National Enquirer for its article last month titled "Goldie tells Kate: Eat Something! And She Listens!" "Ms Hudson will argue in the courts that the images in question gave a seriously false and misleading impression as to her true physical condition, in that she was portrayed as being dangerously thin with an eating disorder," Schillings said in a statement. He also added "Lord knows NOBODY listens to a damn word Goldie says these days."

Friday, November 4, 2005

Michael O'Donoghue Quote Of The Day: #3



On John Belushi's death:
I was there the morning John died. He was lying on the floor of his bungalow. When I tried to revive him, the "big guy" opened his eyes and whispered, "Dope is for dopes." And he died. It was the last thing he ever said. I took his wallet and left.

Thursday, November 3, 2005

Pulling All The Stops



The New York Daily News compiled a list of the worst subways in New York. I'm a total sucker for these things, so I decided to spotlight it today.

Here's the short list (read the article for further details):
  • 205th St./Norwood, the Bronx, D line
  • 182nd/183rd Sts., Fordham area, the Bronx, B and D lines
  • Third Ave./138th St., South Bronx, No. 6 line
  • Bowery, Chinatown, Manhattan, J, M, Z lines
  • Brook Ave., Mott Haven section, the Bronx, No. 6 line
  • Fulton St.-Broadway/Nassau, Financial District, Manhattan, J, M, Z, 2, 3, 4, 5, A and C lines
  • 21st St., Long Island City, Queens, G line
  • Mosholu Parkway, Norwood section, the Bronx, No. 4 line
  • Bay Parkway, Bensonhurst, Brooklyn, N line
  • Smith/Ninth Sts., Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn, F and G lines
For my money, the two that should have been included and weren't are as follows:
  • Boro Hall/Court St. Brooklyn Heights, Brooklyn, 2,3,4,5,N,R,M and J lines: This definitely wins the award for the smelliest station, especially if you are exiting from the 2 or 3 train. The stench is overwhelming.
  • Chambers St., Financial District, Manhattan E line: Again, more for the stink than the appearance. It just reeks of overused mops.
But the Daily News is so right about Smith/9th and Carroll Gardens stops. Yeesh!

Dirt & danger: 10 worst stations [New York Daily news]

Wednesday, November 2, 2005

What Becomes A Washed-Up Actress Most?



David Hesterbey, a homeless man who broke into Jennifer Aniston's rented Malibu beach house was ordered to undergo psychological counseling as part of a five-year probationary sentence. He also was ordered to stay away from Aniston for 10 years.

Stay away for ten years? From what I've been hearing about Derailed, it will be as though the entire movie-going public had received a similar sentence. Seriously, though, it just seems like too prophetic a title, doesn't it? The whole story seems like cheap publicity for the film. I could be totally off the mark, but I can't help but think that it's endsville for Aniston.

Man Who Broke Into Aniston's Home Sentenced [AP]

Tuesday, November 1, 2005

Samuel Alito's Mother Knows Best



Supreme Court nominee Samuel Alito's 90-year-old mother, Rose, when asked if her son is against abotrion, said "Of course he still wets the bed." When reporters suggested that maybe she had misunderstood the question, she continued unabated:
"And he sure hates the gay people. I'm tellin' ya, he can't say enough bad things about how they were the direct cause of Hurricane Katrina and 9/11, not that he ever calls me, mind you. I mean, you think after I cleaned, fed and put that motherfucker through school he could find five goddamn seconds from his busy schedule to drop his only mother a fucking line once in a while!"
Reporters finally abandoned the interview, leaving Rose yelling the word "cocksucker" very loudly while attempting to kick dirt onto the reporters' vans.

- MAMMA MIA, THAT'S MY BOY! [New York Post]