No Statue For Bobby

Everyone's favorite Polish crooner, Bobby Vinton, did a noble thing and saved the residents of Canonsburg, PA $100.000. Way to go, Bobby! He defnitely deserves credit for this, in my opinion.



- Bobby Vinton Nixes Statue in Pennsylvania

Moore The Merrier

Michael Moore is doing preliminary work on a documentary that focuses on the evils of our nation's pharmecutical companies. At least that is what Wyeth, AstraZeneca, GlaxoSmithKline, Sanofi-Aventis and Synthelabo fear. The six companies sent out internal memos warning employees of Moore's potential exploits, and forbidding them to speak to him.



Well, the joke's on them. Moore is, in reality, planning a film about rampant internal memos in huge corporations. And I bet they won't even see it coming. Tentatively titled Internal Bleeding, it showcases hundreds of potentially humiliating internal memos from a vast array of companies. Moore cannot possibly be denied the Oscar this time out.

Miracle At Borough Hall Station

One of the greatest things about Christmas in New York is the subway musicians you are lucky enough to occasionally hear over the racket of the train. This morning, my commute was rendered divine by a mystery guitar player/singer known only as Michael. He plays an acoustic Cameo guitar and wear boots. Also, he has a wonderful ability to play everything as though it were a talking blues song. The best example of this is his fantastic rendition of Melle Mel's "The Message," performed as though it were a Jimmy Reed song. Fantastic! Totally made my day.

Michael O'Donoghue Quote Of The Day: #1

"The funniest thing to me is a movie producer doing Quaaludes, falling asleep in his hot tub and parboiling. I don't know if it has ever actually happened, but the idea is sure humorous to me."

- Michael O'Donoghue

Woman Jailed For Being Terrible Liar

Note: when you make up a lie about why you cannot perform jury duty, make sure it's a damn good one.



- Woman Jailed for Lying to Leave Jury Duty

Kirstie Alley Sells Out

Kirstie Alley, star of an upcoming television series on Showtime called "Fat Actress," is now endorsing Jenny Craig's program to lose weight. I just can't figure out which is more of a sellout.



-'Fat Actress' Kirstie Alley Chooses Jenny Craig to Lose Weight

George W. Bush Time's Man Of The Year 2004

Needless to say, I was disappointed by this, not only because W simply doesn't deserve it, but also because he was already chosen as Time's Man Of The Year in 2000 (and didn't desevre it then). There is an almost suspcious lack of ingenuity on Time's part here. I almost would have pereferred Karl Rove (because I could have just reposted this graphic).



Here's a man who's not the least bit disappointed. To the contrary, he's ecstatic to the point of being an unforgivably bad journalist with the unlikely name of J. Grant Swank, Jr. "J" writes for MichNews.com, heralding themselves as "Most In-depth, Conservative, Honest News & Commentary" on their banner. Here's what Swank has to say about Time's choice:

Smart choice: Bush Will Be Regarded As Planet Safety President. The world would wish to continue whistling the happy tunes. America in particular is crazed with entertainment-centered lifestyles. To warn the US of impending doom is to be a party spoiler. That’s the risk that the United States President George W. Bush takes when he cautions the nation — and the planet — of terrorists’ killing instincts. It’s like being told that it’s time to go to the dentist. Not so. Put it off. Deny the appointment.

Wait! It gets eeven more difficult to understand what he's talking about:

One thing is certain: future years will look back on the Bush administration to realize the wisdom locked into warp and woof of Mr. Bush’s policies.One role that Mr. Bush has played out with utter sincerity is the parental role. He, though not that old, has lived out the fatherly care for the country. The liberals deride that as pampering the public. The press thinks it’s a sign of weakness. The thoughtless just don’t give it a thought.

Yeah, but....that's how they became thoughtless, right? Don't knock people for doing their jobs.



More lines:

"Russia is now dealing in major awful accent with killers’ instincts played out in blood rivers aplenty."

I'm trying hard to follow this. Is he saying that Russian dudes with accents and killer instincts are playing in rivers of blood? I realize I'm taking this too literally.

Terrorists are bent on finding every weak link going. In that, they strategize their arms to lay low the innocent.

Okay, here he's saying that the terrorists... I have no idea.



Jesus! Lassie can articulate better than this guy. Apparently, writing in a faux-biblical style is supposed to give your argument more weight.

Rich Scumbag Buys Really Expensive Apartment

Rupert Murdoch is in the process of buying a Manhattan penthouse for 44 million dollars in cash -- a record price for a residence in one of the world's most costly real estate markets. The cash stipulation is, presumably, because no bank can cover the loan.



The penthouse atop 834 Fifth Avenue is a 2 billion square foot triplex, overlooking Paris, London and the West Indes and the Mona Lisa, and, oh yeah, Central Park also.



I don't know about you, but I am incredibly embittered by this. It's bad enough that this guy's right-wing-propaganda-sheet-posing-as-a-newspaper (better known as The New York Post) is in this town, I don't want HIM here as well. Why doesn't he set up shop in a red state if he's so fond of our current president? I mean, the guy is richer than God.



It's only more proof that money is wasted on rich progeny.

Queen Doesn't Need Paul Rodgers

When I learned about Roger Taylor and Brian May planning to tour as Queen, I grumbled not. But touring with Paul "Bad Company" Rodgers? Now we've got a problem. Here's a guy who ruined two perfectly good bands: Free, by causing every other member to bolt, and Mott the Hoople, by tempting their guitarist, Mick Ralphs, with the promises of rock stardom and, more importantly, rock royalties. The Firm were simply beneath my contempt.



A certain friend of mine, we'll refer to him as Dan Nester, had this to say about it:

Paul Rodgers, to my mind, is a singer from their generation, a meat-and-potatoes rock and blues guy, which is where Brian and Roger began back in the day--they were a jam band, playing blues. I'm looking forward to them doing "Son and Daughter" from the first album, or maybe "Sleeping on a Sidewalk" from News Of The World. If anyone is going to call themselves Queen, it's gonna be them. Who else would? This, to my mind, is a more appealing idea to the fans than a Queen-themed musical.

Rationalization, anyone? I think most ideas on this earth hold more appeal than a Queen-based musical. This is hardly the point. Freddie Mercury was more than a singer, he was practically the band's very identity. As a long-suffering Who fan, I barely was able to tolerate the idea of The Who minus Keith Moon; minus John Entwislte is an entirely different matter. They should hang it up. It's over.



Also, the idea of an old singer who is obviously past his prime regurgitating old songs hardly seems a fitting addition to this band's legacy. At the very least, they should have someone who is capable of putting on a show. That's right, I'm talkin' Diamond Dave himself. David Lee Roth is still pretty much in top physical shape, and you gotta admit, it would be interesting to hear him sing "Seven Seas of Rhye." C'mon Roger and Brian, give Dave a chance. you know he's good for bringing the rock. And at least Dave's been a member of one great band, unlike Paul Rodgers (Free is a seriously overrated group, people).

Reg Strikes George, George Strikes Back

Jesus! This Elton guy sure is a bitchy one. He said of George Michael in a recent interview: "George is in a strange place. There appears to be a deep-rooted unhappines in his life." He also described Michael's most recent album as "disappointing." George Michael retorted, saying

"Elton John knows very little about George Michael and that's a fact. Contrary to the public's impression, we have spoken rarely in the last 10 years and what would probably surprise most people is that we have never discussed my private life. Ever. He knows I don't like to tour, I smoke too much pot and my albums still have a habit of going to Number One. In other words, he knows as much as most of my fans. What he doesn't know is I have rarely been as happy and confident as I am today, thanks to my partner Kenny and the continued support of my fans. If I stay at home too much, if anything it is because I am too contented right now. I have travelled the world many times and at 41, I think I have earned the right to a quiet life, which I truly love, and maybe Elton just can't relate to that. He makes millions playing those old classics day in and day out, whereas my drive and passion is still about the future and the songs I have yet to write for the public."

Hmmm...maybe George is the bitchy one. And, uh, on what planet are George Michael albums going to number one these days (Planet UK, allegedly)? How much pot is this guy smoking? Enough to refer to himself in the third person, obviously.



Okay, I guess I'm the bitchy one.

Jack Phillips: Man For Hire

Well, I don't usually pimp my friends put for work-related purposes, but Jack Phillips is looking for employment. He just got back into town from Los Angeles, which incidentally is Spanish for "The Angeles." Anyway, he has extensive experience in Desktop Publishing, Web Design, etc. So, potential employers, I urge you to check out his resume and see for yourself.



Click here to download his resume.

Someone Up There Like Us!

In this age of intolerance masquerading as morality, what better for all you sinners out there than a doomed claymation boy and his demonic talking dog? That's right, Davey & Goliath are back on the air. After 30 years, the Lutheran church is reviving the 1960s-era animated series for a holiday special, "Davey & Goliath's Snowboard Christmas," on the Hallmark Channel Dec. 19. In this episode, Davey makes a snide reference to Jesus "not being so great". In response, Goliath convinces Davey to die for everyone's sins by electrocuting himself with a vintage toaster.



Actually, the story involves Davey demonstrating his snowboarding skills to two friends: Sam, a Jewish boy, and Yasmeen, a Muslim girl. Each of them discuss how they celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah and Ramadan, respectively. Yasmeen wins the snowboarding race in the end, a symbol of her god simply being better.



But seriously, Art Clokey, the show's creator, has expresssed concern that the message that God loves all people has been lost amid more judgmental religious fare.

"The church wanted it to be about love and tolerance, and that's not the face of Christianity in America," he said. "In the '60s and '70s, Christianity was more of a liberal faction. There are still millions of liberal Christians who go to church, but they are not represented on TV anymore."

Agreed. From almost all vantage points, this is a most welcome return.

Melt The Press, Vol 1. : 12/10/04

- On the set of Meet The Fockers, Barbra Streisand has reportedly used so much Botox that the world’s supply of botchulism is now depleted.



- Apparently, the American soldiers stationed in Iraq weren't supposed to ask the Secretary of Defense actual questions about defense. Rumsfeld was "set up" by Chattanooga Times Free Press reporter Edward Lee Pitts, who coached soldiers to ask Secretary Rumsfeld (gasp!) relevant questions.



- Apparently, Lindsay Lohan lip syncs. It's not like anyone's really being fooled here. Let it go, people.

Everybody, Tommy Chong Tonight!

Tommy Chong will be appearing in "The Marijuana-Logues" starting Tuesday, December 7th.



In May 2003, the actor-writer-director pleaded guilty to conspiring to sell drug paraphernalia. Chong also pleaded guilty on behalf of his business, Nice Dreams Enterprises, which made a line of marijuana bongs and pipes. He spent nine months in jail, but that hasn't stopped him from reuniting with his former comedic collaborator. The U.S. Comedy Arts Festival in Aspen has added a special Cheech & Chong reunion to its lineup, the festival taking place February 9-13, 2005. Also, tentative plans are being made for the first full-length film since 1984's Corsican Brothers.



"The Marijuana-Logues" features Chong at New York's Actors Playhouse through Dec. 19.

Attack Of The Monster Thickburger

My cousin pointed this out to me yesterday. I guess this post is a companion piece for my Pulitzer Prize-winning Taco Bell expose from months past. Didn't these people watch Super Size Me? Don't they know that too much of this beef and pork stuff causes hypertension, diabetes, impatient cow syndrome, the gout and other bad things?



Part of me loves the idea of this product, because I side with the underdog as a reflex, and I must admit in myneck of the woods, Hardee's is definitely the underdog. Also, this type of enormous meal has become the underdog, though undeniably for the good of the planet. I guess Hardee's figures that no self-respecting lawyer is going to file a class-action lawsuit against lil' ol' them, so why not give the people what they want, even if they shouldn't have it? You have to admit, it's almost always good marketing to go against the tide, especially if appears to be a better value.



The good news is, I've heard through the grapevine that Charlize Theron will gain 200 pounds and perform between two sesame seed buns in order to play the title role in the film Monster Thickburger, which Hollywood insiders are already dubbing "a classic sandwich".

Down At The Poetry Club

The reading party for Gamers: Writers, Artists, and Programmers on the Pleasures of Pixels Saturday night at Bowery Poetry Club was an amazing success. Katie Degentesh, Shannon Holman, K. Thor Jensen, Luis Jaramillo, Mark Lamoureux, Daniel Nester and Mauren Thorson all turned in fabulous readings. Drew Gardner did an absolutely wonderful sound piece using sampled audio from a game called Gravitar (I've never heard of it either). Very Eno-esque and gorgeous. Dan Nester and I performed some musical comedy numbers, much to the delight of a mysterious fellow that I dubbed "Doctor Who" because of his long coat and even longer scarf (I'm only glad no one was injured). As Dan, Maisie and I were leaving, he stopped us to say how funny we were, and that he was on mushrooms. Let me say that I certainly would not have wanted to witness our act while on mushrooms, so I think this likely lad deserves more than a little praise. Especially given that the sound man was operating the soundboard in very masturbatory fashion, pushing the reverb levels to a uniquely dangerous level. Had Tom Ridge been on the job, he'd have raised the reverb threat grade by at least a few Pantone colors.



All in all, a wonderful evening. If you haven't yet, buy the Gamers book. It's, as they say in Sweden, "a book." A terrific fun read as well.

Do Yourself A Favor: Go To Doug's Art Show

When I say that you should go see Doug's artwork tomorrow night at Madarts, it's truly for your own good. As you can see, Doug is not above scare tactics (and I can tell you firsthand that they're not merely tactics). Let me put it this way: your head may not be a pecan pie, but it's not far off either. Capeesh?

Date: Saturday, December 4, 2004
Time: 8:00 pm til ???
Location: 255 18th Street, Brooklyn (bet. 5th and 6th Ave.)
Refreshments: Definitely
Nearest Subway: R or M at Prospect Avenue

Miss it at your own risk.

TV PIX is Back! Sorta....

Check it out, cats and kittens! TV PIX is online. Sure, it's not quite the same, but take a look.