Was It Something I Said?

I received this angry email (entitled "screw you") in response to my Garth Brooks post from last week:

"you have no room to talk shit about garth you know nothing about him without looking something up on the internet about him you just a dump peice of shit that talks alot of shit about people that are more famous than you old smelly ass."

In my defense, I regret referring to Garth as "scummy," but I do strongly disagree with his rather scummy decision to support Wal Mart by giving them exclusive rights to sell his back catalogue. I still believe Wal Mart is an evil corporation that undermines the value of its employees, both morally and financially.

Hell, I'm just glad that anybody's actually reading this blog at all, to be honest. I'll take what I can get.

To Helms And Back

Jesse Helms, among other things in his new memoir, compares abortion to both the Holocaust and the Sept. 11 attacks.

"I will never be silent about the death of those who cannot speak for themselves," the former senator wrote in "Here's Where I Stand," which is scheduled for release Tuesday. "Unless, of course, the people in question are Jewish, Black or Hispanic", Helms added. The 300-year old ex-senator denied in his memoir that he was the inspiration for popular Looney Tunes character Foghorn Leghorn, claiming that this myth is perpetuated by Helm's frequent use of the word "boy."

He claimed he opposed creation of a national Martin Luther King Jr. holiday in 1983 in part because the Senate rejected his amendment that would have unsealed the FBI's files on the civil rights leader and not because he is a caustic, imbecilic segregation-loving bigot.

"My legacy will be up to others to describe," says Helms.

Well, I think here's a wonderful description for starters. Enjoy.

Garth Brooks Turns Back Catalog Over To Satan

Garth Brooks is far scummier than even I thought possible.

The country superstar has signed a deal with the retail chain that will make Wal-Mart and its subsidiaries, Sam's Club and walmart.com, the only place fans will be able to purchase Brooks' entire catalog of music for the indefinite future.

"We understand the Wal-Mart customer and know that bringing them Garth Brooks exclusives in the upcoming years is something that'll excite them as much as it excites us," says Wal-Mart vice president David Porter in a statement.

He added that it is not quite as exciting as underpaying and abusing employees by locking them inside their stores overnight or even as exciting as ruining a smalltown's economy or "discouraging" the formation of labor unions.

The good news is that the Chris Gaines titles will still be available in all fine retail music outlets. At least I presume Chris Gaines, unlike his alter-ego, still possesses a soul.

- Garth Goes Wal-Mart [E! Music News]

No Child Left Alive?

There is a rather sneaky provision in the No Child Left behind Act, in which public secondary schools are required to provide military recruiters not only with access to facilities, but also with contact information for every student. Failure to do so will result in the loss of federal aid.

Keep in mind that the No Child Left Behind Act was signed on January 8, 2002 by our fair president, almost a year and a half before the war on Iraq. It begs the question: did the current administration add this provision already having made plans for the Iraq War? To be fair, it was signed shortly after September 11, 2001, along with several other bills severely limiting our freedom and privacy, so you could argue that it was an astute, if not a devious and underhanded, move on Bush's part.

However, the thing that really worries me is this. Says Mother Jones:

Educators point out that the armed services have exceeded their recruitment goals for the past two years in a row, even without access to every school. The new law, they say, undercuts the authority of some local school districts, including San Francisco and Portland, Oregon, that have barred recruiters from schools on the grounds that the military discriminates against gays and lesbians. Officials in both cities now say they will grant recruiters access to their schools and to student information -- but they also plan to inform students of their right to withhold their records. Some students are already choosing that option. According to Principal Shea-Keneally, 200 students at her school -- one-sixth of the student body -- have asked that their records be withheld.

So, my question is: if recruiters have exceeded their quota without resorting to these tactics before, does the sudden implementation of these tactics mean that a draft is imminent?

- No Child Unrecruited [Mother Jones]

New Baked Ziti Radio Hour Episodes!

That's right, for the huge throngs of people clamoring to hear us babble, there are now three episodes of the Baked Ziti Radio Hour for you downloading pleasure. Also, they are now available as a convenient link on the top right-hand side of the page. Just look at your right hand and then look up. It's right below the email link. You can't miss it.

Enjoy.

Amway or the Highway?

A cab driver takes a fugitive couple on a 115-mile trip. The wife is bleeding with a gunshot wound to the leg. They both look as mean as hell. They claim to have lost their ID and ask the cabbie to book and pay for their motel room with cash. But none of this makes the cabbie suspicious.

What makes the cabbie suspicious--and ultimately leads to their capture--is their claim to be on their way to an Amway convention.

"They gave me no cause for suspicion other than the Amway thing that didn't stick," said cabbie Mike Wagers, referring to the couple's seeming reluctance to elaborate further on the subject.

He said real Amway sellers are aggressive about their products.

Ain't that the truth.

Introducing The Baked Ziti Radio Hour

That's right, we're going duomedia! We've finished our first Podcast and even managed to upload it to iTunes. The program format, so far, is a roundtable discussion featuring myself, Dwight Harvey, Jack Phillips and Michael Wilson. We'll be working out the kinks as we go along, but give it a listen.

Here's the link:

feed://www.jackphillips.com/bakedzitipodcast.xml

Just open iTunes, selected ADVANCED in the menu bar and SUBSCRIBE TO PODCAST. This should actually work (feel free to email me if it doesn't)

Stop Me If You've Heard This One Before...

From the Times:

Freddy Rodriguez, 55, barreled through an intersection in the Bronx on Monday afternoon, killing the child, Saquan Williams Jr., and injuring his mother and her friend, the police said. Investigators said Mr. Rodriguez had been trying to play a prank on the owner of the truck, taking it to make the owner think it had been stolen.

An interesting footnote: when the inspector investigating the mishap asked Rodriguez the name of this prank, he outstretched both arms, fell to one knee and gleefully answered "The Aristocrats."

- Driver of a Delivery Truck Is Arraigned in Death of Child, 3 [New York Times]