Who's Afraid Of Air America Radio?

Apparently a mostly innocent joke backfired on Air America Radio host Randi Rhodes, causing government officials to scrutinize a skit which aired on Rhodes' Monday evening program.

The joke is essentially this: Old people in Florida who are now, thanks to Jeb Bush, armed and dangerous, are protecting their Social Security money by force. It ends with a joke gunshot warning vaguely aimed at the President, daring him to try and take their money from them via Bush's plans to "fix" the Social Security program.

"Even joking about shooting the president is a crime, let alone doing it on national radio... we are taking this very seriously," a government source explained.

Rhodes has repeatedly been forced to apologize for the harmless (albeit mostly unfunny) skit. In truth, it's about as threatening to President Bush as is the likelihood of Ralph Kramden actually sending Alice to the moon.

Decide for yourself. Click here to listen to the clip.

National Geographic's "Afghan Girl" Uncovered

   

She was one of the world's most famous faces, yet no one knew who she was. Her image appeared on the front of magazines and books, posters, lapel pins, and even rugs, but she didn't know it. Now, after searching for 17 years, National Geographic has once again found the Afghan girl with the haunting green eyes.

It turned out to be Elijah Wood with green contact lenses. A shocked nation is still reeling from the discovery. More on this story as it develops.

Jumping Jesus In A Snowstorm!

This object may be the most offensive that I have ever seen. It is so misguided, it's scary. I don't think there was any snow anywhere near the site where the Crucifixion took place. It was hot, it was sandy (and, no, it was not meant to be a sandstorm). I am not defending the sacredness of the Christian religion, as I hardly think that you'd buy that sort of sentimentality after all the mean things I've said about the Pope in recent weeks (I would be as upset if it was a Buddha snowglobe or piggy bank). It's the incredibly crass absurdity that gets me here. It's like a snowglobe depicting the St. Valentine's Day Massacre. Hmmm.... That gives me an idea...

Click here to see the snowglobe movie.

No Wonder The French Hate Us

Could it all have been a crazy dream? I was watching CNN International, minding my own businesss, when suddenly...

"France pays homage to an actor who represents the force of American cinema and the power of emotions that he invites us to share on screens throughout the world..."

These exact words were spoken by Culture Minister Renaud Donnedieu de Vabres said as he presented the Arts and Letters Award to a typically arrogant and pissed off-looking Willis, who quietly grunted his approval.

Now, American cinema may not be what it once was, but this is a little hard to take. He represents the force of American cinema to them? Okay, I'll give him cred for 12 Monkeys. But, Jesus! I just can't help but think "Our country is doomed".

San Diego's Giant Pandas Finally Get It On

Whatever you weekend was like, you probably didn't have as much fun as Bai Yun and Gao Gao, the San Diego Zoo's two giant pandas. Bai Yun will likely give birth to her third cub in about 4 1/2 months, said Don Lindburg, the zoo's giant panda conservation team leader, who was also quoted as saying "Bai Yun had displayed signs of being receptive to mating in recent days, including yipping and raising her tail, walking through water and scraping pine tree bark onto her head and face." So, lots of sex with people watching. To some, a dream come true. To these two lovebirds, who knows? While hardly any of this seems terribly dignified, it is nice to hear that there will be a new baby panda in about 5 months at the San Diego Zoo. I would highly recommend checking out the Panda Cam, if you haven't already.

Pope-pourri

There has been a lot of debate as to whether or not the deceased body of Pope John Paul II was embalmed for his viewing, which took place a full two days after his death. The Vatican claims that the deceased Pope was not embalmed, only cosmetically "prepared" for the viewing, while Australia's Daily Telegraph claimed the Pope was "embalmed...with his face – strangely smaller in death than in life." The Reigion News Blog had this to say:

John Paul II's embalmed corpse was placed on display in the Apostolic Palace so that prelates, diplomats and Italian government officials could pay their last respects. The body will be moved to St Peter's Basilica amid great pomp this afternoon to lie in state. The Prefect of Rome said it would stay there for three to four days.

The reason the Vatican remains firm is that Pope Pius X, who reigned from 1903 to 1914, abolished the custom of removing organs, which are normally removed to make embalming more durable. The Vatican could possibly have its own definition of embalming which excludes the removal of internal organs. News.Scotsman.com characterized John Paul II's appearance at the viewing as "shocking...It is evident that he wished to be viewed as he had become."

So, the question remains: Were the Pope's remains chemically altered, albeit poorly, or not?

Easter Bunny To Choose Next Pope

The Easter Bunny, also known as Finneus II, was quoted yesterday saying that a new Pope should be chosen within the next two weeks. The Easter Bunny came under considerable heat last week for suggesting his son, Finneus III, as John Paul II's successor. After being cautiously reminded that nepotism in the church is frowned upon, Finneus II withdrew his son as a candidate, preferring instead to keep future hopefuls a secret from the Catholic Church as well as the press. When asked if the new Pope would be an American, Finneus II merely chuckled, saying "An American? That's totally fucked up, dude!"