Melt the Press: 2/14/05

Hey! Did you ever hear the old saying "That guy couldn't pass a drug test with a prosthetic penis"? Well, guess what...

-Actor Tom Sizemore Fails Drug Test with Fake Penis

In other news, Matthew Perry spent 24 hours at a Los Angeles hospital on doctor's orders earlier this week after a "bad reaction to prescription medication." That's a euphemism for addiction, folks. When will this guy learn his lesson?

Actor Matthew Perry Recovering After Hospital Stay

Nothing funny about this story really. Except that a better title would have been "Jennifer Lopez Gets Back on Musical Track And Is Squashed By Locomotive."

-Jennifer Lopez Gets Back on Musical Track