Observation #2: Paint

While visiting my not-so-local Lowe's Home Improvement Center, I had an epiphany. On one hand, the man behind the counter should be more than capable of giving me a can of paint that matches my swatch exactly because, after all, he mixes paint for a living. On the other hand, I thought again, he mixes paint for a living.

Now I really don't know what to think.

Observation #1: Syd Barrett

I've recently noticed that bands who name themselves after Syd Barrett song titles or lyrics tend to suck like Hoovers. Here are only a few examples:

• Gigolo Aunts
• Baby Lemonade
• Jennifer Gentle
• Dark Globe
• Terrapin

I know a lot of you out there want to add Opal to this list. However, since they took their name from industrialist Wilhelm von Opal and not from a Syd Barrett composition, they are unfortunately disqualified.

215 In The House!

The 215 Festival will take place on February 20th in Philadelphia featuring a Soft Skull Press showcase. Namely, Daniel Nester reading from both God Save My Queens I and II while accompanying me on the guitar for what promises to be a triumphant "Hammer To Fall." It should be nothing short of glorious. But will it? You'll have to show up in Philly on the 20th or stay tuned to see how it goes.

Here's the info:

When: Sunday, February 20, 2005
Where: Upstairs Live!
Tickets: FREE of charge
Showtime 3PM

For even more info, go here

Melt the Press: 2/14/05

Hey! Did you ever hear the old saying "That guy couldn't pass a drug test with a prosthetic penis"? Well, guess what...

-Actor Tom Sizemore Fails Drug Test with Fake Penis

In other news, Matthew Perry spent 24 hours at a Los Angeles hospital on doctor's orders earlier this week after a "bad reaction to prescription medication." That's a euphemism for addiction, folks. When will this guy learn his lesson?

Actor Matthew Perry Recovering After Hospital Stay

Nothing funny about this story really. Except that a better title would have been "Jennifer Lopez Gets Back on Musical Track And Is Squashed By Locomotive."

-Jennifer Lopez Gets Back on Musical Track

Jimmy Smith Dead At 79

Pioneer of the Hammond B-3 organ, Jimmy Smith died of natural causes on Tuesday. This comes as something of a shock because I just saw him at the Iridium only three weeks ago. He still had all of his chops, not only playing a beautiful Hammond B-3 in his own unique way, but laughing, joking and cussin' up a storm. He did a particularly funny and risque version of "I Got My Mojo Workin'" that evening, but despite excursions in frivolity, his playing was never less than perfect.

Art 4 Life's Tsunami Relief Fundraiser At Players Theater, 2/12

Here is the info for the show this Saturday at The Players Theater on MacDougal Street in the West Village (right down the street from Mamoun's). It should be a lot of fun and I hope to see you there:

Saturday, February 12th

6pm-11pm

$25 includes entertainment and refreshments.

The Players Theater, 115 MacDougal St. @ Minetta

RSVP - send your name, phone, and # of guests to info@art4nyc.com

Or phone 212-457-1449 (after 2/1)

Performances by Bayne Gibby, Nicky Clinch, Ryan Etzle, Patricia Zaffino, Axiom Addicts, BFQ, Carmen Yates, Christina Giordano, Petia Maximova, Debby Schwarts, Suzie Gallehugh, Markilee Talkington, Katie Sawicki, Stacey Jensen, Jason Keely, Dwight Harvey, Gene Cawley and more....!



All proceeds to directly The Phuket Project, sending volunteers to Phuket, Thailand to rebuild kindergartens. (More info found at www.phuketproject.org.) 

McCartney Exposes Cockring During Super Bowl Halftime Performance

Shocking everyone in the music industry, Paul McCartney did anything but play it safe during his rather unusual set at the Super Bowl Halftime show last night. Greeting the festive crowd with "F*** you, Super Bowl," he launched into a blistering, expletive-laden "Helter Skelter," dedicating it to Manson, who will be eligible for parole later this year. Clearly drunk, McCartney did not let the ceaseless jeers of the crowd dissuade him from doing not one, but three performances of "Spies Like Us" before finally making his way off the stage. Flanked by two bodyguards, McCartney drunkenly stumbled to the microphone once more, exposing his genitals (complete with leather cockring carrying the inscription "Hello Mal") to the crowd shouting "I'm gonna go home now to stumpf*** my wife! God bless!" to almost unanimous scorn.



Fox could not have been more wrong about their choice of artist at this year's halftime presentation. As far as I'm concerned, I will never watch Fox again.

You Know A Film Sucks When...

A coworker friend of mine had a number of free passes for a sneak preview of "Hitch," the new Will Smith vehicle. Not a damn soul took her up on it. There is a theory that goes something like: any film whose poster shows nothing about the film's content and overuses its star's image (the actor's picture replacing one of the title's letters is always a dead giveaway) is best left undisturbed. The billboards and subway posters for this film are inescapable in New York City. For sheer ubiquitousness, these posters make the campaign for 1998's "Godzilla" seem downright modest by comparison (I still have nightmares about the ad-drenched buses). The problem here is neither the film nor its star, but a totally ridiculous Hollywood-machine lacking in ANYTHING to say, even on the promotional campaign, which should tell the public to stay away in droves.



And I'm only talking about the poster here. Imagine how bad the film must be.

A Good Goat Will Do That....

I think this raises a fairly practical question: Who the hell eats goat meat anyway!? Am I alone in my puzzlement here? I am well aware of venison meat, lamb, bull, cow and even alligator (which tastes, you guessed it, like chicken). Never heard of people eating goat. Honestly. I must lead a very sheltered life.



-'Mad cow' disease found in goat