Don't Bogart That Feeding Tube!

Pope John Paul II, who, due to throat problems, is being fed through a tube, declared in his "living will" that life-extending treatments are a moral duty for Roman Catholics. He has not even once offered to share his tube with Terri Schiavo. If he could speak, his holiness would probably make excuses like "Well, she lives over 3.000 miles away" or "Her husband wants her to die." Pretty lame excuses, if you ask me. The Pope, who is somewhere in the neighborhood of 250 years old, should adopt a more clear Christian attitude when it comes to sharing the feeding-tube-wealth. I guess the life-extending treatments are only for the more privilidged Roman Catholics, eh Pope? I, for one, see it as a sickening display of selfishness typical of the guidelines laid down in Vatican II.

Burger King's Enormous Overhype

Why is Burger King’s “Enormous Omelet Sandwich” getting so much media attention? Burger King’s marketing department must feel all squirmy-good with the free publicity. There is nothing shocking about 730 calories for an orgy of bread, eggs, cheese, sausage and bacon. Check out the competition: mainly, ordinary New York street breakfasts:  hefty cinnamon-raisin bagels with a block of cream cheese (800 calories?) and muffins as big as your head (another 800 calories?). This sandwich is a bargain at 730 calories and 47 grams of fat.  Where is the news story in this? Any big strapping male (BKs admits this is the target consumer) requires more that 2200 calories per day. So these consumers SHOULD have a 730 calorie breakfast! (Put down those fries!) I am a non-meat eating, calorie-counting fool and I am not disturbed by this sandwich. No one orders this sandwich innocently. A bigger crime is Starbucks Frappaccino at 830 calories and Au Bon Pain’s crumb cake. 

Jerry Springer: Air America's Cousin Oliver?

Well, it's official: The Air America Radio Network has jumped the shark. Or has it? Jerry Springer is getting his own radio show on 45 Air America stations starting April 1st. Says Springer:

"I said when I started the show that I am committed to making this radio program work, not only because I enjoy it, but because we need to hear progressive voices as well as conservative voices in our conversation today"

There's an old political saying that goes "It is permissible to walk across the bridge holding hands with the devil if you want to get to the other side." While Springer is hardly the devil, I fear that Air America, in an aggressive bid for ratings, is compromising their identity somewhat. I am saying this based on Springer's previous television work, which is perhaps unfair. This could, after all, be hugely beneficial for Air America and the almost non-existent progressive radio market. I guess we'll see.

Is Rosie's Blog For Real?

I'm sure this is pretty old news for some, by I am fascinated by what is allegedly Rosie O'Donnell's blog, fomerlyrosie, which features semi-coherent, mostly self-obsessed ramblings by Rosie in poetry form. I mean, this isn;t for real, right? If so, it's ghost written as a promo for her movie. Right? And, wait a second. Who's menopausal at 43? That's incredibly young for menopause, isn't it? I don't claim to be a doctor, but I think I'm right here.

Either way, I'm throwing down the gauntlet on this one. If formerlyrosie is genuinely O'Donnell's blog, then Rosie should help a poor, struggling blog out by link to bakedziti.net. That's right, Rosie. I dare ya! I double dare ya!

Subway Story

This morning, I took the 2 train to Times Square as usual. But the strangest thing occurred. I saw the most annoying man ever. He was wearing an incredibly shabby suit and clutching the New York Time (unfolded, of course). What I noticed most was the very thing he was not clutching: the pole. Consequently, as the train moved, the motion sent him stumbling all over the car. He just barely missed stepping on my feet no less than three times! Finally, I ripped my headphones from my ears and shouted "Hey, Stumblefish! Use the fucking pole! That's what it's there for!" He looked at me with confusion as I began to staple his New York Times to his forehead. He could tell by now that I was pretty upset. Right about then, the MTA police enter the car just looking for someone to harass. And, let me tell you one thing, it wasn't about to be me. I walked right up to the chubby one and said "Hey, Chubbs, having a busy day, then?" I leaned forward and fired a round of squid ink from the carnation attached to my lapels. Chubbs was really upset now. He was still rubbing his eyes and screaming while I jumped up and down yelling "Fare increase THIS, motherfucker!"

Okay, none of this really happened. Well, there was the annoying non-pole-grabbing guy, but the rest was made up. I got a little carried away. Well, anyway, have a nice day.

President Bush's Feeding Tube Reinserted

In a case full of bizarre twists, Congress moved to have our severely brain-damaged president reattached to the feeding tube sustaining his life. The tube feeding has twice been halted and resumed in the past amid legal wrangles. Until now, federal courts have turned the case back to state courts. Republicans said it was their duty to save a life that was still worth living, even if it was George W. Bush. If they did not act now, one said, President Bush's blood would be on their hands. Democratic opponents of the bill argued that it was wrong for Congress to play doctor or God and that overruling the state court's decision to allow the brain-damaged president to die would set a worrying precedent.

Bush lapsed into his present state after his heart was surgically removed in 1972.

A Joke For Friday

Okay. Here's my joke. ahem...

Kelsey Grammer says he might be interested in running for the U.S. Senate from California when he's finished with acting. Now, keep in mind, this is a confirmed cocaine addict. He could easily make president.

Well, the cricket noises are deafening. Better luck next time.