We Beg Your Pardon, America: The Death of Oatmeal Man

There was a special monicker for the man who infamously pardonded President Nixon after the Watergate scandal. "We now have Oatmeal Man," said Gil Scott-Heron in his 1975 monologue "Pardon Our Annalysis (We Beg Your Pardon)." "Anytime you find someone in the middle, anytime you find someone who is tepid, anytime you find someone who is lukewarm, anytime you find someone who has been in Congress 25 years and no one ever heard of him, you got Oatmeal Man."

Click here to download the full monologue (one of Gil Scott-Heron's greatest ever).

-Former president Gerald Ford dies [AP]

James Brown Dead at 73

Soul Classics Vol. II was the first record I ever remember hearing. James Brown (along with Sly Stone) was my first musical perception. If you consider how many unique rhythms he and his band have created over the years, some of which spawned entirely new genres of music, then you can hardly deny that he was one of the greatest musical innovators of the 20th Century. His death is a complete shock, especially coming on Christmas morning. We have experienced such tremendous losses in the entertainment industry this year (Jack Palance, Ruth Brown, Robert Altman and Ahmet Ertegun to name a few from November and December alone) that it is almost hard to get upset anymore. But James Brown's music has meant more to me over the years than almost any other artist, and there will never be anyone with his brand of strength and courage. In the 1960's, James Brown was a true independent, a true vanguard in a musical world that marginalized black artists' selling potential as well as their humanity. He remained 100% true to his art at a time when success in the musical mainstream was all about compromise.

Just the other week, my cousin showed me a DVD collection of TV appearances James and the band made on Soul Train. It made me love his music all over again. His delivery was perfect, his energy boundless. But it makes his death that much more of a loss.

Have a Funky Christmas.

Worst Halloween Costumes/Courtney Love

No, this isn't a post about a Courtney Love costume. They can be had wherever female impersonator paraphernalia are sold. This is a classic post from retrocrush.com about bad choices for Halloween costumes. It's pretty hysterical and timely.

Speaking of Courtney, I just saw her on Good Morning America and if she wasn't fucked up, she did an incredible impersonation. Having said this, I would recommend (for the truly brave) going to see Courtney signing her autobiography, Dirty Blonde, tonight at the Astor Place Barnes & Noble, as there's bound to be some kind of assault taking place. Mark my words. Courtney's better than the stock market when it comes to these things.

Punctuation Marks Can Be Very Confusing...

That's why we're uploading this classic clip from Sesame Street featuring Victor Borge's brilliant system for pronouncing puncuation marks. This one goes out to Lynn Hodde, as it ranks among her favorite things ever aired on television (though that's not saying much).

Click on the image to watch. Enjoy.

Vote Maureen Johnson!

Please go here and vote for Maureen's book 13 Little Blue Envelopes. To hell with J.K. Rowling! What has she ever done for you? Maureen, on the other hand, has adopted no less than 25 homeless iguanas. They were abandoned by their respective owners and Maureen was kind, no, saintly enough to take these otherwise hopeless, destitute iguanas in and give them a second chance. She has done the same for several polar bears. Granted, the polar bears ate most of the iguanas, but who knew? Doesn't the thought count for anything? Well, I guess I overestimated the lot of you. I'm shocked and more than a little disappointed. Still, you can make up for it by going here and voting for Maureen Johnson's 13 Little Blue Envelopes.

A Little Touch Of Schmilsson On The Net

Here's a clip of Harry Nilsson from a 1971 BBC special. Here, he sings "Walk Right Back," "Cathy's Clown," "Let The Good Times Roll" and a few others through the magic of pre-After Effects video tomfoolery. Clip courtesy of Bedazzled.

Gilbert Gottfried As David Brenner

This is one of the funniest things I've ever seen Gilbert do, and that's saying a lot. I'm posting it so friends and family don't have to settle for my paltry impersonation of it. Click on the image to view it.

Enjoy.