Saturday, December 24, 2005

How The Other Half Decorates



As badly as it turned out, I had to post this photo of the yachts underneath my window. A deal was struck where, if boats were decorated with Christmas lights, they could dock for free in December. I won't go into the fucked up logic where yacht owners need cost-cutting incentives. It just looks so damn pretty. Again, due to the total lack of external lighting on the dock (I had to pump up the saturation almost beyond the point of recognition), this photo hardly captures the grandeur, but it's better than nothing. (Click on the photo for more photos).

Merry Christmas.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Robert Smigel Saves Christmas!



On SNL last week, Robert Smigel aired a new Saturday TV Funhouse, and it was a classic. He usually saves his best stuff for the Christmas episode, and this year's no exception. "Christmas Time For The Jews" is a note-perfect Phil Spector tribute, featuring the legendary Darlene Love on vocals. Presented in gorgeous black and white, this could easily pass for an unearthed relic from the early 1960's. As an added treat, the real Darlene Love sings "White Christmas" with the SNL band. Below are the lyrics:
On Christmas Eve, The Gentiles gather
Around the Christmas Tree
They stay at home, and party with
Their Goyishe family

They disappear one day each year
And pass the egg nog 'round
But it's all right
Because that's the night
The Jews control the town

Well, this happens every year on Christmas Eve
All the happy Christian people take their leave
Yeah, the streets are deserted and that's big news
It's Christmas Time for the Jews

The holiday party starts about 6pm
Ain't nobody recreating Bethlehem
Yeah the Three Wise Men, that's a big old snooze
It's Christmas Time for the Jews

They can finally see King Kong without waiting in line
They can eat in Chinatown and drink their sweet ass wine
They can crank Barbra Streisand on the streets they cruise
It's Christmas Time for the Jews

They can gang up on the Quakers
Play for the Lakers
They can do what they wanna
Even blow off Madonna
Get a chance to drive a tractor
Win on Fear Factor
See Fiddler On The Roof with actual Jewish actors

Now, they really get the party goin' after dark
Circumcizing grateful squirrels in the city park
Picking fights in the bar knowing they can't lose
It's Christmas Time for the Jews

Now it's nearly 10:30
Yes, it's time for bed
Daily Show reruns dancin' in their heads
Maybe next year they'll learn how to hold their booze
It's Christmas Time for the Jews
To download the file, right click here, then select "Download Linked File."

Click here for the mp3 file.

[EDIT: It just occurred to me why this animation was presented in Black & White. Phil Spector always recorded his music in monophonic. Phil hated stereo, and started the campaign slogan "Back To Mono" in the early 1970's. The joke is, the animation is monochromatic, hence the use of the "Back To Mono" button at during the credits. Clever, huh?]

Monday, December 19, 2005

A Slightly Different Tone At The Same Old Address



The most amazing thing about President Bush's address to the nation last night was every news organization's interpretation of it, which had Bush taking responsibility for the mistakes made concerning the war with Iraq. Here's what President Bush did say:
From this office, nearly three years ago, I announced the start of military operations in Iraq. Our coalition confronted a regime that defied United Nations Security Council resolutions, violated a cease-fire agreement, sponsored terrorism and possessed, we believed, weapons of mass destruction. After the swift fall of Baghdad, we found mass graves filled by a dictator, we found some capacity to restart programs to produce weapons of mass destruction, but we did not find those weapons.

It is true that Saddam Hussein had a history of pursuing and using weapons of mass destruction. It is true that he systematically concealed those programs, and blocked the work of UN weapons inspectors. It is true that many nations believed that Saddam had weapons of mass destruction. But much of the intelligence turned out to be wrong. And as your president, I am responsible for the decision to go into Iraq.

Yet it was right to remove Saddam Hussein from power. He was given an ultimatum -- and he made his choice for war. And the result of that war was to rid the world of a murderous dictator who menaced his people, invaded his neighbors, and declared America to be his enemy. Saddam Hussein, captured and jailed, is still the same raging tyrant -- only now without a throne. His power to harm a single man, woman, or child is gone forever. And the world is better for it.
Listen carefully. Did you hear any admission of error? I didn't. Admitting that "some of the intelligence was wrong" suggests that the majority of it was right. He is still justifying our presence in Iraq by chronicling Saddam Hussein's crimes against his own people, which was not the reason originally given for going to war. Also, the clever use of rhetoric ("a regime that sponsored terrorism" is supposed to mean "Saddam gave sanctuary to those responsible for 9/11") still maintains that there was total justification for the war. Also, this administration has yet to prove that Saddam Hussein had "a history of pursuing and using weapons of mass destruction" or that he "systematically concealed those programs, and blocked the work of UN weapons inspectors." Why would Iraq hide what it didn't have in the first place? And I am in no way saying Saddam was not a horrible dictator, and his use of chemical weapons is an absolute fact. It's just that neither crimes against one's own people nor chemical weapons are just cause for a war.

Bush did go on to say "I know that some of my decisions have led to terrible loss and not one of those decisions has been taken lightly," but that's hardly satisfactory at this point. I think all the world wants him to say at this point is something along the lines of "We were mistaken not only in our belief, and desperate pursuit, of an existing link between September 11th and Iraq, but also the existence of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq." Y'know, something like that.

Maybe I'm expecting too much, but with his present approval rating (misleading, as that would suggest that there is any approval), you would think there would be less arrogance at this point in his career, and more frankness. I admire Bush trying to accentuate the positive aspects of the US residency in Iraq (Saddam's overthrow, the election, the rebuilding, etc.). To be fair, it does seem as though real progress is being made.

But President Bush genuinely doesn't seem to understand why his critics keep dogging him regarding the flimsy evidence on which this war was originally based. He doesn't understand why we, as a nation, cannot move on. President Bush simply needs to just give the nation an "I'm sorry" and mean it.

Maybe he's saving it for Christmas?

Friday, December 16, 2005

Howard Stern: The Last Of A Dying Breed



Well, it's officially over. Howard Stern has left the "terrestrial airwaves" for good. I am deeply saddened by this, as I have been listening to the show most of my life ever since the show came to Philadelphia in 1986, and I got to personally witness the funeral for Philly "zookeeper" John DeBella. Even though I admit the show has been lacking since the departures of Billy West and, later, Jackie Martling, I will miss having the option to tune in to the show for free (I'm sure I'll get around to ordering Sirius one of these days). Just the fact that Howard has more or less been forced off the air illustrates what a bad direction in which this country is heading. During his farewell speech, Howard stuck it good to Clear Channel, saying how much their ratings suffered after canceling his show, how they no longer employ live deejays and how they've essentially killed radio by making it. It was wonderful to hear, but on one hand, I can't help but thinking that Clear Channel has won on some level. Sure, their ratings will never be as spectacular as they were with Stern on their airwaves, but now with Howard gone, they'll have even less competition, and no one left to challenge them. On the other hand, I'm glad that Howard, instead of letting his show become progressively more stifled by FCC fines and corporate censorship, is moving his show to an FCC-free zone where the show can hopefully regain some of the energy it has lost in recent years. Also, my biggest pet peeve with the show has ALWAYS been the torturous amount of commercial time that listeners have had to sit through. I'm very glad to hear that Howard feels the same way. Hopefully this is not merely the end of an era, but a better one beginning. We'll see.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Richard Pryor Dead At 65



Rather than go on about how much his work meant to me (and practically everyone I know), I decided to post this clip of Richard Pryor from the one and only time he hosted Saturday Night Live in 1975. This is one of my all-time favorite routines in which a white guy gives Richard LSD at a party (I need to set up the premise somewhat due to the poor quality of the beginning of the clip).

Enjoy.

Right click here, then select "Download Linked File."

Friday, December 9, 2005

Ken Nordine Reaches Into In



Years ago, a man named Ken Nordine released a series of albums under the categorical heading Word Jazz, dubbing it a "somewhat new medium." He recorded four now-highly-treasured albums for Dot records between 1957 to 1960. These albums have been anthologized several times before, but they've never been available in their entirety on CD. Until now, that is. A wonderful label called Hip-O-Select has just released You're Getting Better: The Word Jazz Dot Masters, a limited edition boxed set including all material from the four original Dot albums, plus six extra tracks circa 1960.

Glad to say, the Hip-O-Select box is wonderful. If anything, it sounds even better than the Rhino compilation from 1992 (Best Of Word Jazz: Vol. 1). The liner notes are a mixed bag: Tom Waits contributes a "poem", but to be honest, his schtick is wearing a little thin with me these days. Laurie Anderson reminisces about once having shared a stage with Ken. Jim Cunningham, the engineer for most of the original recordings, probably offers the most concrete information regarding the original sessions. Of course, Ken himself adds some amusing notes.

All in all, this collection is essential. In my opinion, the most essential release of the year, especially if you liked the Rhino compilation and want more. It is the ultimate testament of a true genius, one of the remaining few.

And, remember kids, it's limited edition - 5,000 copies.

Order it here.

Wednesday, December 7, 2005

The Baked Ziti Radio Hour: Episodes 17 & 18



Dwight Harvey is AWOL, Michael Wilson is nowhere to be heard. But that hasn't stopped me and Jack from doing episodes 17 and 18 all by ourselves. Not only this, but the listener gets a special audio treat: EXTREME STEREO! Jack is on the extreme right (yeah, I know, what else is new?) and I'm on the left. In addition, you get a plethora of exotic animal noises, courtesy of my uncharacteristically active dog Aimee, who stored all her precious little energy for recording time, spending her approximated two non-sleeping hours a week playing with her VERY LOUD squeaky toys. But then, she probably just sensed out loneliness.

Download the episodes here:

Episode 17
Episode 18

Friday, December 2, 2005

Rep. John Murtha Is Plastic Man!



Rep. John Murtha created controversy two weeks ago when he called for U.S. troops to leave Iraq now. Yesterday, however, Murtha cause an even bigger scene when he revealed to the civic group that he is, in fact, Plastic Man. Demonstrating his super powers by taking the shape of a bowling ball and flinging himself through the cincrete wall, Murtha was finally detained by security. While being ushered out, Murtha assumed the shape of Colonel Sanders and made his escape.